Dating a victim of emotional abuse
(That's why you might be unnerved by a moving shadow after seeing a horror movie.) The usual reaction to fear is hypervigilence.Thus women notice more of what the abusive partner is doing and are more likely to have their thoughts, feelings, and behavior controlled by the abusive partner.The simplest definition of emotionally abusive behavior is anything that intentionally hurts the feelings of another person.Since almost everyone in intimate relationships does that at some time or other in the heat of an argument, emotionally abusive behavior must be distinguished from an emotionally abusive relationship, which is more than the sum of emotionally abusive behaviors.
(The root of the word, "shame" means to cover or hide.
To repair the harm done, there must be a corresponding increase in compassion.
That means both parties have to return to caring about how the other feels, even when they disagree about the ideas or interpretations of the facts that go with the feelings.
Here are examples: "You shouldn't spend so much on clothes, you don't look good anyway.""Don't complain about how bad you have it, no one else could love you.""Working and taking courses is too much for you; you can't handle what you need to do now.""Your friends and family just want something from you.""I have to drink to be able to stand you.""One of these days you'll wake up, and I'll be gone.""You don't know the first thing about raising kids." It's important to note that most emotional abuse is not as direct and verbal as these examples.
All the above can be implied with sarcasm, irony, or mumblings and can be communicated with body language, rolling eyes, sighs, grimaces, tone of voice, disgusted looks, cold shoulders, slamming doors, banging dishes, stonewalling, cold shoulders, etc.
That's one reason we tend to make the same mistakes over and over, by the way.) The cliché of the numb husband ignoring the nagging or strident wife isn't far from the truth.